reflection. (day 14)

i feel better than i have in months. i'm up, awake, and bruise free. my levels are up, i'm feeling great. physically, yeah, i'm in awesome shape. i'm supposed to be really sick right now. i'm supposed to be lethargic, disgusting, and not have hair. i'm supposed to be deathly ill. that's what everyone expects me to be right now. they expect me to be torn down, physically and emotionally. they expect me to be drained and tired, worn down from the chemo. honestly? i feel amazing.
remember mulan? what an awesome disney movie. one of my favorite songs in that movie is reflection.
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight Back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?

she doesn't like the person that she see in her reflection, she knows that isn't her. that's for sure what i feel like. i feel physically better than i have in months, but i don't see myself anymore. that person doesn't stare back at me in the mirror. i see a person that has been changed by the chemo, by the crazy medicine regiment that they have me on. i see that i've lost 10 pounds from my diet changing. i see someone that is angry all of the time because they are trapped. i don't feel like that all of the time. but seeing myself like that in the mirror? yeah, it's not me. i don't feel like myself at all. i don't know this person, i don't like what i see. want to know who i want to see? the girl in my default. she was pretty. she was full of vibrance, full of life. i don't see her in the mirror. i feel like her, more than i ever have, but she doesn't stare back at me in the mirror.

When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

all i know is, it better be soon. or i'll just stop using mirrors... HA.
keep praying for me kids!
sarah. :)