i should know what i'm doing by now. [stronger] (day 8)

i've slept for four days straight. i never thought any person could sleep that much unless they were in a coma. i keep getting medicines that knock me out for at least five hours. between those medicines, and not sleeping much at night, of course i'm gonna sleep for four days. WOW- then yesterday morning?? funny story.. i got benadryl at like four AM because i was itchy. benadryl always knocks me out like a light. so, at around eight in the morning, (mind you, the benadryl was still very much so working) a group of give or take six nurses come in my room with one or two student nurses. they're like, let's check your vitals, do random tests, lets do some mouth care, take your chemo, and take your weight!! i was still pretty much hopped up on benadryl, and didn't have my glasses on. so, i had no idea what was going on. i tripped over my wires, just about fell onto the scale, and stumbled into the bathroom. i was way too tired to yell at them all to get the hell out of there before i shot them all personally. that prophetic thought came out as, "mmfrehksdfjjifjdskldnmsoojufa." yeah, i was gone. they came back every two hours, and i couldn't really yell then either. i was tired out of my mind, and basically high. it took an entire day for me to sleep off that benadryl and be mildly normal. way to go giant team of nurses. HA.

anyway!! another weird side effect of the chemo? really really weird dreams. the kind of dreams that no matter how hard you try to get them to make sense in your mind, they just don't. at all. i wake up and i'm like, what just happened.. haha. i asked my doctor, she said it's normal, so i guess i'm ok?? but wow, i can't get over how random it is!
i get unhooked from the iv chemo tuesday morning, thank god. i'm hooked up to it twenty four hours a day, except for the few minutes before they change the bag and i get to change clothes. best part of the day, right there. i feel so nasty. so, you'd say, take a shower, you'll feel better. WELL.. if i want to shower this dumb thing has to come with me. so, i declined that offer. i'd much rather not shower than have to take an iv in the shower with me. that's way too much coordination that i clearly don't have. so tuesday morning, i'm taking a shower for at at LEAST an hour. yepp. sounds like a plan.
know where i should be this morning?? lawrenceburg, indiana. i should be inside lawrenceburg high school with my guard. i should be there covered in guard make up, and about to explode from heat in an old gymnasium. watching guards, waiting for awards. alas, i'm here. looking like hell, and sitting in a mildly comfortable room. i miss guard sooo much. i want to spin sooo bad. i asked my doctors if i could bring my weapons in, and not spin them even, but they think i'm gonna hurt myself. my response.. i've been spinning for how long? it would be really sad if i hurt myself doing consecutives even. i should know what i'm doing by now...this weekend should be a lot better. i just slept all day yesterday and was emo in my room. i can do that every once in a while.. haha. i needed a day to just sleep. i needed a day to let my mind rest more than usual. i also needed to sleep off that benadryl.. haha.
i just got the news, i'm so proud of my guard. they got 1st. that's what i'm talkin about. :]
in the words of kanye west- N- n- now th- that don't kill me
Can only make me STRONGER.
i'm in a much better mood today.
keep prayin for me. i'm still doing awesome the doctors said.
i'm gonna go do something more constructive.
sarah. :)