i haven't slept through the night since i got to this floor. i usually do not go to bed till midnight, they check my vitals every four hours to make sure i'm still breathing. so, like clockwork, at midnight, four AM, eight AM, noon, four PM, eight PM, someone is taking their turn poking at me. at four AM, someone draws labs. at eight AM, i have to take the oral chemo. 10:30 AM? changing the iv chemo. Four PM, more labs. Most of this they can do when i'm sleeping. but honestly, who wouldn't wake up?
It's been a week since that day that they told me. an entire week, that has felt like an eternity. it has been a week since my life as i once knew it was torn away from me in some awful twist of fate. one week ago today, at this almost exact time, i found out i had leukemia.so... happy one week-aversary to me. happy one week of knowing my life will be on hold for the next few years. happy one week of hell, four more to go. happy one week to the day my short term dreams were defered. Saving up for a car? that won't happen. living out my last high school summer to the fullest? not as easy. i will be back in the hospital again, they said it was a chance. marching senior year? chance they're gonna tell me i can't.
SO? thanks. thank you fate. thank you for being so terrible and cruel. thank you for ruining MY life.there better be one hell of a reason for this. cause right now? today? there is none that i see.
keep praying for me? it helps a ton knowing that people are.
right now, i could use a giant hug.
i'm probably going to sleep all day again, that's all i feel like right now.
the day will go by faster.
sarah. :)
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