hold on to the handlebars! (day 15)

i had a pretty great day today. this time last month, if you ask'd me what i'd be doing today, it sure would not have been this, haha. but overall? that's ok. i'm happy with today. i'm now allowed to be unattached for a twelve hour window, instead of four, which makes my life so much easier. i'm smart, i convinced them to make the tpn only go overnight. Twelve hours instead of twenty. works much better for me!
today was just one of those generally awesome and random saturdays i have all the time. it makes me realize how lucky that i am that i'm not terribly sick. it makes me realize how lucky i am that i feel better than i have in months. as of right now, it looks like the worst is behind me, and that somehow i skipped the super sick part. or, it'll just randomly sneak up on me and hit me like lightning. soo... lets hope for the first one? for sure. i was reading my lab reports earlier, (yes, i'm a nerd and read lab reports..) and my white counts are starting to go back up, it looks like. so that's a good indicator that i'm getting better, responding to chemo well. and the fact i'm not sick means i'm doing well also. everyone expects me to be really sick right now. to be confined to bed and not moving. they can't keep me down for long.
i'm one of the lucky kids on this floor...
which is really kinda terrible when you think about it. it makes me so sad thinking about it. i could be them. i could be void of spirit and look like death follows me around. but i'm not. i look normal. just with glasses, haha.
today when we were sitting in the lobby i saw a boy confined to a wheel chair, and attached to a pole twice the size of mine easily. he had this just blank look in his eyes, and it seriously wanted to make me cry. i hate seeing that. young kids that have just gotten their spirit sucked out of them. that when you look at them, you can't help but want to explode in emotion. it is so sad to see, i really just want to help them.
so when my little cousin left today, he hopped on the elevator and is just like, hold on to the handle bars! it made me laugh. i need to do that! hold on tight, and keep getting better. keep going up from here. there's no other direction!
eh, it's one am.
i need to sleep!
night.
keep praying for me!
sarah. :)