calm before the storm. (day 9)

i can feel the chemo starting to drain me. it's a terrible feeling. it's not a constant drain yet, but i can sure feel it full force when i wake up randomly in the middle of the night. it's the most terrible feeling i have ever felt. last night, well technically this morning, i woke up in a terrible sweat and felt like jell-o. walking was a terrible labor, and just sitting up was about as terrible. i had a fever of 38.4 C which is about 101.4 F. they started me on antibiotics and i went back to sleep. at around four this morning, my blood pressure was very low. i got it taken about ten times, before they decided i was fine. then to make things better, i broke out in a nasty rash-thing all down my back. it felt like someone stuck me in an itchy sweater and set it on fire, something terrible like that. it sure took them long enough, i was crying for a half hour before they decided to give me benadryl.
they need to stop giving me benadryl at four AM. it makes the rest of my day long and terrible.but the doctors said it was good i was awake, responsive, and really ticked that i was up at four AM. so, i guess i'm ok? whatever they say i guess..
my oncologist explained to me the other day what the chemo does to me. she basically said that it empties out my bone marrow.. awesome right? it sounds mildly painful.. it's basically going to clear out everything so healthy cells can develop.. but the idea of not having an immune system is still a very terrible thought. she said that would only last a few days then my counts would come up gradually by themselves.
this right now?
it's the calm before this storm. i could be really sick right now.. but luckily for me that hasn't started yet. it will have to happen though before i can get better. i will have to be deathly ill before my body can heal and rebuild itself. fun stuff, i know.
right now, i'm enjoying a super quiet sunday afternoon. i'm enjoying this lack of commotion that has seemed to follow me around all morning. it's very very nice. it's relaxing. days like this are my favorites. i can just kinda sit here and breathe, it's amazing.
plans for today? nothing really. a much smaller scale party than yesterday. that's about it. i think after this medicine is done, i'm gonna go sit in the lobby by the windows. that sounds like a plan.
keep praying for me kids. [:
ahhh, just thought of this quote i heard,
don't tell god how big your storm is,
tell your storm how big your god is.
sarah. :)