halfway there.. (day 16-17)

i really don't know what to with all of this free time. i hate not being able to be very active. everyones like, do a puzzle! read a book! watch a movie. it gets old after about a day or two. i want to run, dance, be active. but no. my platelet levels are low. so not much to do till then. i can basically just roam the hospital and try to keep myself occupied. it's much harder than it looks. but at least i'm unattached from that dumb pole for most of the day. that thing caused most of my problems.
today is day 16 of 30 for my treatment. so, i'm halfway there. lord only knows how i made it to now. it's probably because i slept the first week.. haha. i'm getting more used to the routine of being in the hospital and all that. i get woken up at 430 to draw labs and get my vitals, then go back to sleep. i'm woken up again around nine to take my medicines and whatever else they feel like doing to me. i usually just stay up, since my tutor comes in at ten. i have "school" from 10-11, then a doctor might come in. i get unhooked from my tpn at 11 or 1130, and then i usually take a shower, and do random things all afternoon. that's my basic day to day schedule.
one thing that i've realized while i was here is really how truly lucky i am. there is always at least someone here with me most of the day. i have a growing wall of cards from people that care about me. not all of the kids on this floor have that from what i've heard. i really want to help them! it pulls at my heart every time i see some of these kids.
like this afternoon? i was sitting out in the lobby drawing and i saw this little girl that looked about 1 1/2 attached to a pole that was easily three times her size, and it was covered in equipment. it was just so sad to see, i seriously just wanted to start crying right then and there.
i really want to help these kids! i want to do something to brighten their day. i want to help and be a mentor to them! i just don't know what i could do. not all of them are sad and depressing, but some are. a lot of them are generally happy.
but they're still just kids. everyone is so worried about me, where as i'm worrying more about the other people on this floor! i'm going to figure out something. something to help. like i said, i'm halfway there. so, what next? done with the crazy chemo, and i'm getting healthier. what am i gonna do? i'm gonna take advantage of the fact that i'm not sickly. i'm gonna help some sick kids. i'm gonna keep decorating my room until there is no white space. i'm gonna keep everyone entertained with my randomness. most important of all, i'm gonna get better. of course. i feel great now. i'm just bored all the time! once my platelets go up i'll be down in the gym. i need to work out. \:
march can't come any sooner! but i might as well do something important while i'm here. :)
i'm here for a reason, i guess this is it.
to help kids.
help them smile just as much as i do.
yepp, that's it.
i'm gonna go take random pictures.
keep prayin for me! it helps a ton and makes me smile twice as much.
sarah. :)