Wednesday, March 4, 2009

a girl can dream. (day 19)

i hate what the chemo does to me. i've been battling this absolutley terrible headache. all they can do is give me tylenol, or oxycodone. why not something in the middle, like aleve? ibuprofen? yeah, nope. not for me, ever again. it crushes your platelets. which i have very little of. so, i'm to either chose the one that does nothing or the narcotic. fun choice, i know.the air in the hospital is sooo dry. i think it's really just on this floor. there's a special filtration system to help kill bacteria and all that. it's only on this floor, the filtration system that is. one of the effects of the chemo is that it makes my skin dry out really easily and my lips are always chapped. soo, chapstick is my new best friend, haha. they gave me this ultra- chapstick that is really greasy but it works really well. it does what it's supposed to, so i'm not complaining!i really wish that this stuff didn't make me feel so randomly disgusting some days. i'm good for a few days, and then some days all i feel like doing is sleeping. when i have headaches like that all i want to do is sit in a dark room and sleep. it's worse because all i can really do is lie there and pray that the throbbing will cease, or that i will be able to sleep long enough so it will be gone for a few hours. that is honestly the worst feeling in the world. just thinking about having two more rounds of this honestly makes me cringe. that iv stuff... THAT was terrible. all i did was sleep when i was on that.
but it will make me better. so i have to do it. \:
i really wish the chemo came without the side effects. without the pages of side effects that will more than likely happen. that it came without the dry skin and cracked lips. that it came without the whole losing hair thing. i can wish all i want, but it's got to happen. but hey, a girl can dream!
i'm almost done with this first cycle.
can't wait to go home!
keep praying for me!
sarah. :)

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