great news:

i'm coming home today.
i'll finish writing this book when i get home. [:
now i just need to work on getting all of my stuff down!!
sarah. :)

narcotic k.o. (day 24-25)

i started having really terrible neck pain on sunday night. i couldn't move my neck at all. it's probaly one of the worst pains i've had. it turned out that it was some fancy word for a terrible muscle spasm. i got it because i had to sleep at an incline at night, to keep my chest from hurting too terribly bad.
all i could do was lay there and just ball my eyes out, it hurt so bad. i could barely lay down. i could barely move, it was soo terrible.. i just laid there and cried until i eventually calmed myself down. i never want to feel that much pain ever again. they had to give me really strong narcotics (the stuff stronger than oxycotin..) to help dull the pain enough so that i could sleep. but the thing was, i would wake up a few hours later, and the pain would be just as bad as it was before. on top of all of those crazy drugs they gave me muscle relaxers. all i could do was sleep, and pray that when i woke up the pain would at least be duller than before. that i could move without crying histerically.
i NEVER want to feel something that terrible again!
it took two days of hell and a lot of sleep and strong medicine, but i feel a lot better today, it's wednesday.
i got knocked out by narcotics for about two days.
i wouldn't recommend it!
thank god that pain is gone.
never again.
keep prayin for me kids!
sarah. :)

it's how we roll. (day 23)

i am having a much better day today. my weird chest pain has stopped for the most part, and it's the weekend! they just got world tour in the activity thing, so i went down there and was one of the first people to play it. i love that game! it is so much fun. the only problem- the tv in that room is so tiny and really high up so you can't really see all too well when you play with more than one person haha.i was playing guitar hero with erica and got suprised by my bestie! it pretty much made my day. ahhhh, i love that girl. we went back to my room and left my mom with her mom. i wanted to find the super huge wheelchair, so we all went out to the lobby. luckily for us, there were four wheelchairs, so us and her two sisters could have them. we wheeled around the floor like idiots for a while. it was great, all of the doctors and nurse were just like, wheelchair races?!?! sweet! we're just like, we're too uncordinated for that.. and they just kinda laughed. i got the dumb wheelchair that veered to the left. just my luck, haha.

after we got bored with wheeling around the fifth floor we decided we were hungry and needed to go down to the cafeteria. in wheelchairs. her one sister was smart enough to opt out, but the other three of us decided we needed to do it.
we first off just about killed each other trying to fit three wheelchairs in an elevator. and if you've never been to children's before, the distance from building A where i am to the cafeteria is a nice walk when you're just walking, ya know, without a wheelchair. going that distance in a wheelchair? wow. i have a new found respect for people that are in them all of the time.you have to have some serious muscles for that! we barely made it to location c and were just like, lets take a break. my arms were about to fall off!
well, to make a long story short, we finally made it back to the elevators in building A and just about killed each other again trying to get in. it was so funny.what can i say, it's how we roll.every time we get together we do something ridiculous.
i love them!
know the fundraiser the band did for me yesterday?
guess how much they made?!?!
741 dollars. plus a 100 dollar donation from an anonymous woman.isn't that amazing?
when i heard i just about started balling my eyes out.
and they're going to keep fundraising!
i'm so blessed.
they're so awesome!!

keep praying for me kids.
sarah. :)

not my luck. (day 22)

i should be at the conner show today. i miss those girls so much. i miss spinning and dancing. the band is doing an awesome fundraiser for me at the show. they are selling these really cool bracelets in my honor and raffling off a basket with some of my favorite stuff in it. i'm so grateful that they're doing something so awesome for me and my family. i think that it will go very well. [:
today was just not my day. i woke up late and my nurses come in and are just like, hey you're getting a ct scan. a ct scan is like an mri, just quieter?? someone told me. but anyway. you're not allowed to eat for a certain amount of time before you get the ct scan, so i ended up not being able to eat until two. ]: and you have to drink this nasty contrast stuff an hour before it, and i had to get another iv put in. the scan itself sucked, and they had to inject more contrast in to me through the iv they put in. that's a very weird hard to explain feeling. no fun. \:so to add to my crummy day, i felt horrible. then they decided to start another anti-whatever medicine after i got back from the ct scan. i had an absolutley terrible allergic reaction to it.my face felt like it was tightening up, i got really hot really fast, i could barely breathe, and i threw up. it's safe to say i'm allergic to that stuff. they stopped it right away and they're going to give me benadryl later to make sure i don't have any more reactions. so i'm writing this before i pass out from the benadryl... haha.
today, just not my luck.
sleep should help!
keep prayin for me kids.
sarah. :)

way to go chemo. (day 20-21)

i'm almost there. a little bit more than ten days to go. it's like the last few weeks when you have your permit.. you feel like you know how to drive by yourself but in all reality you can't, and it sucks worse than anything! i feel like i should be able to leave but in all reality i can't. my counts are too low, and if i caught something right now, i probaly wouldn't be able to fight it off. so, not exactly ready to venture off on my own just yet.
my hair is starting to fall out in giant chunks now. i never really realized it, but i have a TON of hair. i've pulled out a bunch of giant chunks, and it still looks like i have hair. it's a lot more depressing than i thought it would be. to be able to sit around and pull out giant chunks of your hair by just running your fingers through it? wow that sucks. my hair is everywhere, and honestly, it's more annoying than anything. it's seriously everywhere. it won't just come out.but hey, that means the chemo is working.
yay?
i know.. i'm not too sure how to react to it. i mean it sucks that i'm losing it, but hey i'm getting better, way to go chemo.ya know the nasty side effects of the chemo?
one of them apparently is terrible heartburn, which causes ridiculous chest pain. wow that's not fun. i have to sleep on my back at an incline which is first off uncomfortable, and it makes me super sore. i really can't win.all i know is next week better go super fast.
cause i'm ready to go home!
keep prayin for me kids!
sarah. :)

a girl can dream. (day 19)

i hate what the chemo does to me. i've been battling this absolutley terrible headache. all they can do is give me tylenol, or oxycodone. why not something in the middle, like aleve? ibuprofen? yeah, nope. not for me, ever again. it crushes your platelets. which i have very little of. so, i'm to either chose the one that does nothing or the narcotic. fun choice, i know.the air in the hospital is sooo dry. i think it's really just on this floor. there's a special filtration system to help kill bacteria and all that. it's only on this floor, the filtration system that is. one of the effects of the chemo is that it makes my skin dry out really easily and my lips are always chapped. soo, chapstick is my new best friend, haha. they gave me this ultra- chapstick that is really greasy but it works really well. it does what it's supposed to, so i'm not complaining!i really wish that this stuff didn't make me feel so randomly disgusting some days. i'm good for a few days, and then some days all i feel like doing is sleeping. when i have headaches like that all i want to do is sit in a dark room and sleep. it's worse because all i can really do is lie there and pray that the throbbing will cease, or that i will be able to sleep long enough so it will be gone for a few hours. that is honestly the worst feeling in the world. just thinking about having two more rounds of this honestly makes me cringe. that iv stuff... THAT was terrible. all i did was sleep when i was on that.
but it will make me better. so i have to do it. \:
i really wish the chemo came without the side effects. without the pages of side effects that will more than likely happen. that it came without the dry skin and cracked lips. that it came without the whole losing hair thing. i can wish all i want, but it's got to happen. but hey, a girl can dream!
i'm almost done with this first cycle.
can't wait to go home!
keep praying for me!
sarah. :)

telepathic bestie. (day 18)

i should be in school right now. i'm sitting around in my room waiting for my platelets to come up here so i can get another transfusion. fun stuff. my counts are going up though, so good news there. from a paltelet count of 7 the monday before a came here to up to as high as 65. pretty good right? but then again, a normal platelet count is somewhere inbetween 135 and 466. so a while to go! haha. but i will be up there soon enough. all of this writing and creative stuff has inspired me. i've been teaching myself how to draw, (attempting..) and writing some sick poetry on top of all this. i figured out if i'm stressed or angry, it really helps. and i am hella good at it... not to brag haha. but hey, what can i say. it's a gift!
i haven't seen my bestie shaq since the first weekend this month. i miss her a ton! i love that girl. we are so ridiculous whenever we are together. we have some good times. i don't get to see her much anymore since i moved from CC to hebron. but i usually get to see her on weekends at church, so sundays are my favorites. [: she's so awesome. i honestly don't think we've ever fought or anything crazy like that. we're more like sisters than anything, that get along really well. one thing that is kind of funny i think, is that every time i can't sleep or something she's up sometimes too. like one day i randomly woke up at five and we talked for an hour or so, she was up too. then one of the first nights i was in here, she sent me a picture of a bear that says, "get well soon" and it's the background on my phone. i was up then too, i couldn't sleep. i think it's awesome we're pretty much telepathic somedays. [:
it happens..ahh, i miss that girl a ton. \:
my sometimes telepathic besite.
we're bossayy 24/7. or really just after midnight. :)
hopefully she'll be able to come see me this weekend.
we'll be crazy as usual.but not too crazy, i still kinda bruise easily.. haha.
keep praying for me. [:
i'm doing awesome!!
sarah. :)